2015, The road ahead.

Last year I made a list of a few things I wanted to have a crack at during the year and I found it to be a good form of motivation. Even with everything else that was going on last year I still managed to do some of them. Though I'm still struggling to get a recipe up on this blog! So this year I thought I'd put together a similar list and share with you. There are even a couple of ideas that other people may want to join in with!

Actually, this year I have so many ideas for what I'd like to do that I've had to split them up into categories! I may not get all of them done, but it's good to put them out there to provide me with inspiration on days when I just want to lie in bed!

Let's Get Physical!

The road less traveled

With a lot of this blog revolving around cycling, it can come as no surprise that some of things I want to do this year involve bikes! But just for balance I have added a couple that don't necessarily involve bikes.

Run in the rain on an off road trail

So maybe I'm a little kooky, but the idea of running through scrub in a gentle misting rain really appeals to me. With Cobblers not that far away, I'm looking forward to Autumn, running through the trees at twilight with a gentle misting rain. Definitely no lightning allowed!

Go somewhere new

It's easy to slip into routine, doing the same thing, going to the same places, even for holidays. This year I want to go somewhere I've never been before. And take my bike!

Ride the north eastern end of the valley loop at Cobblers - the one with all the switch backs

Skills to be learnt

Cobbler Creek is becoming one of my favourite places, but I get frustrated by my inability to ride switchbacks on anything that cuts across a slope. I have visions of sliding down the hill, dirt, bike and prickles going everywhere. I probably just need to fall off a few times then I'll be fine, but I just need to stop chickening out first!

Rocking a Crit! 
(photo c/ Carl Purczel)

Ride another criterium

One of my goals last year was to ride a criterium. I had a crack at this in a women's only event hosted by the Skinny Latte Cycling Club and really enjoyed myself. I ended up surprising people and jumping off the front about half a lap to go. I got caught, but it was awesome fun! Now I want to mix it up with more people!

Happy times!

Go bike touring

2013 was an awesome year for bike touring, and the reason this blog was actually started. Events in 2014 meant that no bike touring happened, much to my dismay. I think out of all the bike related activities I have done, I've enjoyed touring the most. Eventually I'd like to do it self supported, but for now I'm going to have to settle for being absolutely spoilt by Bike SA on the Outback Odyssey! Yes, that's right, I've talked Mr Carl into going back to where it all started, mountain bikes and dirt! I can't wait!

Food, Glorious Food!

On many levels, food is one of my passions. Creating with it, sharing with friends and eating make me happy. One of the things I noticed during the stressful times last year was that I lost interest in cooking, it started becoming a chore. Something you love should never be a chore, it can be hard work, but never a chore. To re-inspire my love of cooking (and maybe a few other peoples as well) I've decided on a cooking challenge for 2015.


Getting my Mojo back - The Great Cooking Challenge of 2015

Inspired by Chocolate . . .
(photo c/ Carl Purczel)

It's simple - one new dish per month. It doesn't have to be fancy, just something I haven't tried before. I've got stacks of cookbooks, the whole interwebs thing and loads of excellent cooks as mates! Should be easy! I'm even going to try and post pictures and a summary of the dishes up on the blog, so you can share in my triumphs and failures (I'll try not to set the kitchen on fire again, Mr Carl). I'm also opening it up to anyone who wants to join me. If you do want to try a new dish, feel free to send me a photo and a blurb and I'll add it to the blog (hopefully). With any luck we can all inspire each other!

. . . more chocolate . . .
(photo c/ Carl Purczel)

Some of the other food related things I'm thinking about are trying to make things I've never made successfully. This includes:

• Sour dough
• Pavlova
• Sponge
• Meringues

I'll settle for any improvement really, especially with the sour dough. Something that doesn't resemble dwarf bread would be good!

If, after all that I'm not in a delirious food coma, then I might try and continue with some chacutarie experiments. The swausages were pretty successful last year!

. . .and more Chocolate 
(photo c/ Carl Purczel)

I'm not going to commit to putting recipes on the blog for now. One thing I discovered about myself every time that I attempted to do this last year was that I am not meticulous enough for recipes. All you're ever likely to get from me is an ingredient list and a vague description of how they go together. Cooking isn't meant to be hard work!

The Art of Zen

Last year I discovered that sometimes, something a little unexpected turns out to be exactly what is needed. Whether is was the unexpected emails from the Alice in Wonderland Kickstarter campaign, being thoroughly entertained by the likes of Dennis Loccraine, or spellbound by Nigel Westlake and Lior, they all brought a smile to my face when I most needed it. I'd like to continue that in 2015, so here are some ideas:

The Basil Experiment

• Go to a roller derby event 

• Be a patron (again)

• Go to an unknown/new event

There are also other, non bike or food related skills I'd like to develop further, particularly writing, gardening and photography. Gardening is less skill development, more just getting out there and doing it. Possibly I can combine it with photography and writing and write a blog post about my garden experiments!

Zen Gardening

I'm definitely planning on continuing the blog, and I'm hoping to do a particular post I've been planning for the last two years! A new acquisition should be all the motivation I need to get that done, though it may distract me for a while. But I'd also like to get back to writing stories. I'm not sure how to go about getting them out there, but I've got a few sci-fi tales sitting in my head that I'd like to share.

Photography - The Great Photography Challenge of 2015 

So, photography is the last thing on the list, and just to see how busy I can keep myself, I'm going to propose another challenge. I'd definitely like all my photographer friends to join me in this one, assuming you'd be happy to share your photos on this blog, otherwise it might get really boring with just my happy snaps. The challenge is as follows, once a month I pick a theme and we all try and take photos to do with that theme. You (and me) select the ones you like best and I put them up on the blog. You can provide commentary or I can, but you might want to consider my sense of humour before allowing me to comment on your photos.

I will be taking suggestions for themes, but to start things off, lets have a theme that is fitting for this blog. The theme for January 2015 is:

"Wheels in motion"

Please don't send me hate mail!

You looking at me?

So 2015 promises to be a busy and interesting year. Hopefully I will be able to share some of the stories from it here. Hopefully you will enjoy the tales!

2014 - The times, they are a changing!

I must admit to breathing a big sigh of relief now that 2014 is over. It felt like I was living in "interesting times". If you've been wondering why the blog's been a little quite of late, I've recently changed jobs and landed myself a promotion in the process, so I've been a little short of time.

I'm not the best person at dealing with change, I like stability and continuity, but circumstances during 2014 meant that I had to adapt to a constantly changing employment environment. When the man who hired me almost seven years ago walked away from the company he had been part of starting, I knew that I didn't want to be there any more. But it's one thing to know this, quite another to know what to do about it. The resulting stress meant that for most of 2014 I felt like I was running on empty.

It's not all that helpful to focus on the negative, but it is hard to let go of something that has been a big part of your life for so long. During the year I found myself coping in different ways, and I wanted to focus on the positive things that came out of this journey.

Strength, Stability and Courage

Stone Hurt Road

One of the the places I found solace when stressed was, unsurprisingly, on the bike. In particular I found myself riding on dirt a lot more. The intense focus required to stay upright (when mountain biking) as well as getting out in nature never failed to put a smile on my face. That isn't to say there wasn't a few tantrums when the trail became tough!

Dirt = Happy!

Actually, one of the other places I found myself developing skills to deal with these challenging situations (both on and off bike) was the gym. This year I completed a strength class and learnt how to weight lift properly. The people that I met through the class then encouraged (nagged, pushed, probably depends on your perspective) me into joining the crossfit classes.

Super Fit Guy ;)

I had often watched the super fit guys and gals swinging themselves around on bars and do all sorts of crazy things in the crossfit class and I was fairly reluctant to have a go. Both due to my (perceived) lack of fitness and worries about my back falling apart. But, with the proviso to go easy on my back, I got talked into it. And in all honesty, I loved it.

More Dirt!

I found myself doing things I no longer thought I could do. Handstands were easy as a kid, but now? Turns out I can do them no worries (as long as there is a wall there). I've done things I thought I had no hope of doing, simply because I gave it a go a few times. Sure, I've hit my head a few times (literally, I'm fairly clumsy), but I slowly learnt that most of what was holding me back was in my head. In addition, the strength and stability work built into these classes improved my back and my bike handling!

The Art of Patronage
Physical activity alone was not enough to keep an even keel. Distractions abounded throughout the year, including:

• Lior and Nigel Westlake with the ASO performing Compassion
• Rocky Horror Picture Show
• WOMAD
• Dennis Loccraine (Dr Hook)
• The Last Confession

But there were two outstanding highlights and they were outstanding because I was no longer a passive person being entertained (though if you had seen me singing at Dr Hook, you would not have believed it to be passive), but a patron engaging in the arts.

Warm! 
(photo c/ Jill Gillmore)

I always thought patrons had to be super rich with sparkly gowns, but apparently they don't. All you need to do is support the arts, and when you have such talented friends, this is an easy thing to do. A friend of mine put on two exhibitions this year, "I Felt I should Duck, Weave and Spin" as part of the Fringe and "Air, Earth, Water, Fire" supported by SALA. I was lucky enough to attend both and both times she made time to sit, chat and explain her work. Both times I ended up with a piece of her artwork, a cute felted wombat the first time and a luxurious and indulgent, hand spun and hand woven scarf the second. Not only was I now a patron, I had awesome, wearable art (and I will be warm all winter)!




The second highlight did not strike me as an act of patronage at first, simply there was an awesome Alice in Wonderland book project on kickstarter that I wanted to be part of. It was, to quote the site:
 
"A deluxe limited edition volume richly illustrated with paintings and drawings by artist David Delamare."

Personally I would have summed it up as amazing, but that doesn't really describe it all that well!

Image c/ David Delamare

As with a lot of kickstarter projects, this one ran over schedule, in fact I still don't have my book! But in some ways I'll be sad when I do (as well as deliriously happy) as it will mark an end of a journey I have taken with a bunch of strangers to create something beautiful and unique. What made this so special for me is the way the artist and his partner brought us all into the project and into their lives.





They updated us with information not only as to how the project is going, but why they started it, what they hoped to achieve and how things changed over time. The community formed around the book and the artist was offered help from people who had skills they could use. 

Image c/ David Delamare

 

In many ways the project became bigger than the artist, and I was proud to play a small part in this community. The updates also had a habit of reaching me when I was having particularly bad days, and it always made me smile to know that I was able to help someone else create something with such integrity.




   

With Friends Like These . . .

High Five! 
(photo c/ Evermore Photographics)

When all else failed, I could always count on my friends to cheer me up. Or at least listen to me grizzle! But seriously, my friends provided many highlights this year, chief among them the marriage of two wonderful people, Brett and Karen. I was truly honoured to be part of this event and enjoyed it thoroughly!

Captain Bob 
(photo c/ Carl Purczel)

My friends were also willing to participate in almost every mad scheme I could come up with. Captain Bob pushed himself to the limit in Roller Frenzy with me. Brett took on the swausage making challenge. Kara rode up Stone Hut Road with me. We celebrated Chinese New Year, Tour de France, Mexican Christmas, New Years and many other events in between. Truly, I am lucky to have such crazy, fun friends.

Swausages!

 


So as I look back on the year, I realise it wasn't as bad as I thought, stressful yes, but not bad. It had it's challenges, but it also had some amazing adventures and experiences. Hopefully 2015 will be a bit less stressful, but I'm sure it will be amazing with all the awesome people in my life!


For anyone interested in learning more about the artist behind the Alice in Wonderland book project, the website is here: http://www.daviddelamare.com/

Hello, My name is Virginia, and I have depression

That was ridiculously hard to write. So the obvious question is why am I writing it? Because I need to, because I need to stop being afraid of part of who I am. But why make it public? Because I'm afraid that it will change how people treat me and what they think of me, for the worse. Because when I'm confronted with a form that requests medical conditions, I'm not afraid to put down asthma, but I am afraid to put down depression. Because I don't want to live with that fear any more, and ultimately, this is my blog so I can write what I like!

It's ok if you don't want to read this, it's not for everybody. It's ok if you do want to read this and if you want to talk to me about it. Just maybe not at full volume on a crowded train! This is my story, the story of a part of me that for the most part stays hidden.

"I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel.
I focused on the pain, the only thing that's real."*

Those two lines sum up most of my teenage years as well as a good part of my twenties. Depression for me started with pain, a searing agony in my heart that nothing would fix. Then came the anger and frustration, I could do nothing and nobody understood. Finally there was the dissociation, as if I was living in a dream, everything seemed surreal and so far away.

I've always been a bit of a know it all, and I was definitely worse as a teenager, so when depression hit, I thought I could handle it. More the point, I thought that there was no way all those adults whose lives were so perfect could remotely understand what I was going through. The funny thing is, given the statistics on depression it's highly likely that at least one of those adults also suffered. But I was a teenager and the world revolved around me!

"What have I become, my sweetest friend?
Everyone I know goes away in the end."*

By the time I reached university, I realised something was wrong with me (I know, slow learner), but I wasn't ready to deal with it. There was probably a great deal of self medicating during those years, but in my head that was just put down to finally being an adult and being able to make my own (usually pretty terrible) choices. I suspect a lot of the people I knew at that point in time in my life also suffered from various forms of mental illness, so we became our own informal therapy. Though none of us would necessarily admit to it. We were just "different".

The turning point for me came in my mid twenties. New friends brought different ideas into my life and at the time we had gathered together to celebrate the coming of spring. Part of this was acknowledging what you were grateful for and it came to me then that I was grateful for my life. For the best part of ten years I had been convinced that I was not meant to be here. I had narrowly escaped death by horse accident at 14, shortly before I started suffering from depression and the close association of the two left me convinced that it was a mistake that I was alive. But that evening, surrounded by friends, I was finally grateful for the wonderful opportunity that this life presents, rather than resentful for the incredible pain it had put me through.

It was still a few more years before I really started to get a handle on how to manage it. Joining Aquaterra was another turning point, being surrounded by people who were intelligent and active made me start getting more active. As it turns out, exercise is a big help in managing my depression, but I had been too depressed to try. My workmates inadvertently provided me with the support and challenges I needed to start making a difference in my life.

I think at this point in time my head cleared and I was able to understand what was happening to me a little better. I like to fix things, but you need to be able to understand what's broken to fix it. It's easy to come up with reasons why you're depressed, nobodies life is ever perfect. But for me, I realised it wasn't outside influences making me depressed, simply that I had depression. For no reason. I have the unenviable ability to feel achingly sad and in agonising pain for no reason. Breaks your head, doesn't it?

But that also set me free in a way. I now know that there is nothing wrong in my life if I have a bout of depression. In a way, it's like having an asthma attack, it doesn't mean I need to fix something, I just need to take my medication and wait for it to pass. The medication tastes a lot better than my asthma medication as well, generally I use a good dose of exercise, preferably outside, getting my hands dirty in the garden or kitchen or the company of good friends. When it gets really bad, I sing. Silly songs about rocket ships and flying cars, airships and clockwork dolls. Or, if I'm really desperate, I sing about the dreadful wind and the rain!

But if it's really bad, and I'm stuck in bed with tears rolling from my eyes for no apparent reason, then I think of all the happy memories I have with my wonderful friends and family. I hold them close to my heart and know that the depression will pass.

So, this is my confession, that I have depression. It's a disease that can kill, more the point, it's a disease that makes you want to die. But each day I get up and I am grateful for my life. I am even more grateful for the times that I am filled with joy and happiness, which appear to be increasing as I get older. I accept that it is a part of me, but not the whole part. And I no longer wish to live in fear of it. 


*Lyrics are from "Hurt" originally written by Trent Reznor from NIN, however the version I always have in my head was sung by Jeff Martin from the Tea Party.

Amy's Gran Fondo 2014

How I feel about the Fondo!

. . . or how to ride with an empty tank!

This years Gran Fondo was the third time that I had participated in this event, and I originally had grand plans of possibly even training to improve my time. I thought this might actually be quite difficult, as I had improved my time up the all important Skenes Creek Road last year, with the aid of significant anger and frustration from some work related issues. I wasn't too keen to experience more of that anger and frustration, so my plan was to do actual training, especially in the hills.

 

Gorgeous Lorne

 

 

 

All this was put on hold when I got a particularly nasty cold about 6 weeks out from the event. Still that was far enough out that I could still hope to do a bit of hills training and hope for the best. Mr Carl and I even drove out to the hills so we could do concentrated hills training. On my day off, I diligently road up Ansteys hill, struggling with some mechanical issues, but absolutely flying up the hill. Things weren't looking too bad, when, a week and a half out from the Fondo, disaster struck!

The view from the road

  

 

 

 

Mr Carl had come down with the flu! I was hopeful it was just a belated version of the cold I previously had and that I wouldn't catch it, but it was not to be. The weekend before the Fondo, Carl and I were on bed rest. All our plans for a final training ride were shelved as we struggled to get out of bed long enough to eat. 

 

 

Mr Carl recovering

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thankfully over the next week we slowly recovered, however neither of us were all that hopeful of improving our time, we'd be lucky if we could actually complete the ride! With that in mind we made a new plan - have fun!

 

 

 

 

A good time to be a tourist

Shakedown!

 

 

Lorne made it very easy to carry out this plan, turning on some glorious weather. It was still a little overcast on the Saturday when we went for our shakedown ride, but it cleared up to be an almost perfect day on the Sunday. 

 

 

 

 

 

Our shakedown ride was 30km along the Great Ocean Road and it revealed that while both of us seemed to be lacking a top gear, we could cruise along no worries. The question then became, would our cruising speed be enough to let us finish the course within the time cutoffs?

 

 

 

 

 

Accepting the fact that we felt we weren't quite up to speed, we made a plan. The plan was to make it to the top of Skenes Creek Road, about 50 km into the ride. After that, if we had to catch the sag wagon, so be it.

 

Springtime in Lorne

There were two additional complications that made me wonder if I was even meant to be doing this ride! One was that my bike seemed to have a different understanding of correct chain placement to me, and had an annoying tendency to drop the chain. What was even more annoying is that we couldn't get it to repeat it in workshop conditions, so we couldn't be sure any attempts to fix it would work. 

 

The Cog

 

 

The other complication was my back, which decided to have a panic attack on the Saturday night and send sharp, stabbing pains to my brain should I even think about bending. On the plus side, the treatment for this involved a spa, so it wasn't all bad! Still, in my head, I only had to make it half way, which wasn't so bad!

 

 

 

Pain face!

 

 

 

 

 

To distract us from all our concerns we headed out to watch other people suffer. As an additional attraction this year, Cycling Tips and the Amy Gillett Foundation had started an event called Amy's Wall. Conveniently located outside the pub, it's a race of about 130 m up a 20% incline. Prizes were given for the best pain face as well as the fastest times! Nothing gets the crowd going more than watching other people suffer! With that finished, it was off to grab some food and head to bed.

 

 

 

Best noodles ever!

 

Captain Smudge!

 

One local suggested that if you ever want to be guaranteed good weather for a wedding, hold it in Lorne on the day of the Fondo. Admittedly you'd have to share the space with a multitude of cyclists, but the weather would be good! And so it was for us, blue skies, little to no wind yet still cool enough to ride all day. 

 

 

 

A Happy Chewie!

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's always good to be in the company of friends and we were lucky enough to line up on the start line with an assortment of Smudge Monkees! In particular, I was pleased to start with Chewie, as we had pretty much crossed the finish line together last year. I suspected this year might be a different story!

 

 

More Happy Monkees!

 

 

Finally we were let loose and 5000 odd cyclists took off down the Great Ocean Road on a glorious spring day! Of course my chain tried to dislodge itself within the first few kilometres, but I've learnt a few tricks by now and was able to keep it from falling off completely. Obligatory mechanical out the way, we gently cruised along, the Monkees having pretty much dropped us from the bell! But it was never our intention to keep up with them, just to make it as far as we could with the cards we had been dealt. And that meant cruising along and enjoying ourselves! Maybe I should get sick more often ;)

 

 

 

 

Cycling = Happiness

The Great Ocean Road flew by beneath our wheels and all too soon we were facing the dreaded hill climb of Skenes Creek Road. I blogged about this section last year, so I won't go into too much detail this time round, but I will say that my attitude this time was very different. I just wanted to make it to the top without destroying myself and hopefully have enough left to complete the rest of the ride.

 

 

The top of Skenes

 

 

I found myself passing and being passed, and having enough energy and breathe to joke with people as I went by. My standard line was: "Passing on you're right ... slowly", which got a few chuckles. I played tag with a man, passing him and being passed by him in regular intervals. All in all I had fun, and after 50 minutes or so, I made it to the top.

 

 

 

 

Local Musos!

 

 

One of the fun things about the Fondo is the way the locals get into the spirit of things, which was aptly demonstrated by two bagpipers that greeted all the riders at the top of the hill, appropriately dressed in kilts. I actually love bagpipes, so this made my day and I could have quite happily sat there and listened to them for the rest of the day. Except for one thing, there was no water!

More views from the road

 

 

 

 

If I have one disappointment with the Fondo it is this, the first rest stop, which doesn't come until 50 km into the ride (a necessity due to logistical reasons I think) has been out of something every time I have done this ride. And water is the worse thing you could be out of. With this in mind, Mr Carl and I decided to head to the next rest stop, which was 20 km away and "mostly downhill".

 

 

 

The lack of water meant that I didn't eat anything substantial at the first rest stop and I really noticed it over the next 20 km. The legs had nothing and I wondered if I really was going to end up in the sag wagon. But thankfully, due not in the least to Mr Carl's infinite patience, we made it to the next rest stop, Forest, which had water, and more importantly - a sausage sizzle!

My support train

 

I regretted last year not getting a sausage from the enterprising locals at this stop so short of being terribly ill, I had vowed to get one this year! Thankfully Mr Carl actually did the buying while I collapsed on the grass with a friendly dog. He became even more friendly once I got my sausage, but there was no way I was sharing! The sausage really hit the spot and soon I was feeling back to my old self and ready to go. I wasn't going to quit yet!

 

 

Historical monuments

 

 

 

 

And boy was I glad I didn't! The next section of gentle rolling hills that I remembered as being absolutely horrible last year, were stunning, relaxing and fun! I suppose that's the difference that wind direction makes. Once again the road flew beneath our sausage powered bikes and within no time we had made it to Deans Marsh.

 

 

 

 

 

Stunning scenery

From Deans Marsh there was just one more hill before the finish, and as I spun/ground my way up there I was surprised to see a number of people walking. Admittedly I can relate, I've walked a few hills in my time and any hills at the end of a 110 km ride are going to be hard. I guess I'm used to being the one at the back, walking, and remembering that, I yelled out as many words of encouragement as I could! 

 

Feeling Good!

 

Finally I made it to the top and crossed the finish line, to be greeted by Mr Carl's smiling face. I was really surprised we had made it (well, mostly me, Mr Carl's that stubborn that the only thing that would have stopped him would've been me) and I was even more surprised that my bike had made it as the gears had been getting progressively worse. We've actually done some bike maintenance since and discovered that the rear gear cable had frayed, leaving only about 4 strands intact. That would explain the problems I had been having!

 

 

 

Getting into the spirit

 

 

From the finish we cruised down to the event village for pasta and whatever else we could get our hands on! We also caught up with the Smudge Monkees and a few other friends, all of whom had enjoyed their day thoroughly! The only things that remained to do were pizza, spa and gelati! 

 

Pizza!

 

 

 

Mr Carl and I enjoyed a relaxing recovery that night, surprised that we had made it and surprised that we weren't completely wiped out! We fully expected not to be able to move the next day, but were again pleasantly surprised that we felt good enough to spend a few hours shopping in Lorne (Christmas and birthday shopping done!). We had an inkling, looking at the times on the website, that we had done ok time wise, but without access to a computer, confirmation via Strava would have to wait.

 

 

 

Butterflies - perfect for pint sized visitors!

 

We finished our holiday with a detour to Melbourne, to see my now 1 year old niece, as well as spend my birthday with my sister who shares it! She treated us to a visit to the Melbourne Zoo, and it was lovely to see my niece be captivated by all the sights and sounds, even if some of them scared her!

 

 

 

More Butterflies!

 

 

When we finally made it home we did manage to unpack the car before we uploaded our garmins to Strava, but only just! And what a surprise awaited me! This was the quickest time I had done the course and the quickest time I had gone up Skenes Creek Road! I couldn't believe it! I'd like to think it had something to do with the level of base cycling fitness achieved through the bike tours we did last year as well as some hard work I've been putting in at the gym, but what ever the reason it was a wonderful surprise! Now I wonder what I can do if I actually train! ;)

 

Link to Strava here.